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Long time, no writing
I’ve been rather negligent on the writing the last week or so. Our family has been going through a bit of a crisis the last ten days and I haven’t been able to put thoughts down. Emotionally, I think it’s been the hardest week we’ve ever been through. The situation is not gone, but it’s not looking so terrible now.
I keep thinking about the way stress affects us in so many aspects of our lives. A certain amount of stress is good for us but when we overload our systems, we don’t function. Usually, when I am stressed, I tend to eat. I usually crave chocolate and lots of it. This time, it didn’t happen that way. I was actually coping reasonably well the first few days and was able to support the scientist, who is the one directly affected. By the weekend, my defenses had crumbled and I was sinking into emotional valleys and pulling myself partially out, only to go down again. It was almost like being drowned by the weight of the stress, I suppose. The last couple of days, I found it hard to function so that I wasn’t eating or sleeping well. I lost about four kilograms from my lack of appetite. I wasn’t really there for the kids. Thankfully, they have done quite well and saved us more stress and anxiety. Right now the worst part is probably over so we are functioning again and able to carry on more of a normal daily life.
The serious stress was fairly short-term but I wonder how people manage this on a long -term basis. How does one not go completely nuts? Of course, sometimes they do. We made the mistake of not sharing with many others the difficulties we were going through. We had some good reasons for this,  but we missed out on a lot of support that could have buoyed us through some of the worst of it. We finally did share and it was so much better even though nothing particular had changed at that point. Our family and friends have been absolutely wonderful and we won’t forget that. It’s not that they can “do” anything but they are there for us. That feeling that you aren’t alone anymore makes a major difference and that’s what counts most.
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Dreams
I cannot recall particular dream patterns I’ve had over the years but I think my recollection of dreams has been pretty varied throughout the years. I often go through a few days in a row where I recall many dreams then I don’t for a while. I’ve noticed a very specific trend in the last few months. I’ve been waking almost daily from very vivid dreams. I suppose that I just happen to be waking up within the same stage of sleep all the time. It’s just odd to me because I’ve never had this happen so consistently. Another aspect of these vivid dreams is that I can feel and recall them upon waking, but within a very short time frame, it’s gone from memory. What I do recall of the dreams is more of the mood and feelings involved. I know when the dream has been an interesting one and when it has been disturbing or pleasant, but other details seem to vanish within minutes of waking.
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Health and fitness
Since my last post with regard to health and fitness, it seemed not a lot happened for quite some time. My decision to make sure I changed my food intake and exercise just didn’t seem to get me very far. I wasn’t failing exactly, but I wasn’t progressing and it seemed my weight continued to increase, although very slowly. My exercise intentions finally started to stick a bit better in the last couple of weeks. I’ve been using my bicycle as often as possible instead of taking the car on short trips. Today I cycled off to the pharmacy to get something for Lego Lover’s throat and the trip there was only marginally longer than driving. So I saved fuel and wear and tear on the car…and I expended a few calories at the same time.
The bicycle is getting far more use lately so I hope to continue to that habit. I did have a bit of a setback on Friday when I rode up to the shops, locked my bike and returned to find it moved…Some teenager had picked the lock and moved it but left the lock and my helmet in the same place. He had a bit of an attitude and was openly bragging about his act. Too bad he didn’t put his talents to better use. So I will be driving off to find a better lock this week before use it for anything longer than a very quick stop.
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Dryness
I had oily skin pretty much from the time I was about nine or ten years old. My fourth grade photo shows evidence of acne and that continued straight through my teen years although I think the earliest problems were the worst. Or perhaps they just stand out in my mind because I was the only kid with acne at such a young age. When I reached my twenties, I still had occasional breakouts and very oily skin. I kept reading that this lessens considerably as you reach your twenties and thirties but I never saw it happening much. During my thirties, I just accepted the idea that I was going to have oily skin forever. I did look on the bright side because my skin never needed much in the way of moisturisers.
That seems to have changed over the last few years. My body has gradually gotten dryer and dryer. My eyes have been dry for several years and I require tear replacement drops on a regular basis. My mouth goes through bouts of dryness for no apparent reason. Fortunately, this isn’t a constant problem. The dryness now seems to be firmly fixed on my skin now. I realise this is age-related but it comes as a bit of a shock that I really need to use a moisturiser daily now. I’ve found a low-cost cream with vitamin E that works quite nicely for me. When I remember, I use it right after washing my face in the morning and I am good for most of the day. The difficulty, though, is making it a habit, like brushing my teeth and washing my face. I keep the jar of cream next to the basin but I hardly notice it. I wonder when it will become a matter of course to use it each morning.
Despite the dry change to my skin, I am still getting those breakouts on my face. I think I will still be getting them well into old age.
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Diet-a bad word
Sunday was the birthday of a family friend and for various reasons, I was the sole representative from our immediate family to the afternoon tea held in his honour. I think I have a whole other post about the crowd that I was amongst but I will save that for another time.
Most present at the party were familiar to me but it has been over a year or two since most have seen me. I had a number of comments on my “recent” weight loss. One of the ladies sitting next to me was asking how I lost weight and wanted to know if I had gone on the Tony Fergueson diet. She went on to tell about the supplements on the diet and I don’t know what else. I told her that I hadn’t gone on any diet. I simply ate more sensibly and exercised, which seemed to surprise her.
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A tiny bit of improvement
Lego Lover has been on a new medication for anxiety and depression recently, having started with a low dose and increasing to the full dose last Friday. After two weeks there had been a few positives and negatives, but none we could readily attribute to the medication. Actually, that’s not quite right because he’s had stomach aches and is sleeping earlier with the medication, both common side effects. On Saturday night he told me just as he was falling asleep that he felt like the full dose was making it a little bit better. The irony was that he’d had a massive upset of a “wrong” that had been done to him that day that lasted for hours. He isn’t able to verbalise “what” is better but I find it interesting that he perceives a difference. Is this a placebo effect? Maybe he thinks he’s supposed to feel better…or maybe it is starting to make a difference. The watchful wait continues.
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Blood work
During a pediatrician visit in August last year, I was given a pathology form to request two blood tests on the Lego lover. One was for chromosome karyotyping and the other was one for fragile X. These are standard tests now done when a child is diagnosed with autism in this state whereas it wasn’t when LL was diagnosed four years ago. It’s unlikely fragile X is anything of concern so it will rule it out. The chromosome thing might reveal something or it might not.
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The ongoing weight struggle
This process of improving lifestyle and losing weight is far more difficult to navigate than I would have expected. It is all well to lose the weight and do the right thing for your health. But at some stage goals, or significant parts of goals are met. This is the tricky stage because it is so easy to ease up the stubborn streak that keeps me eating well and exercising.
At the end of January last year, I started on an improved health and fitness lifestyle. I started pretty small and worked my way to doing regular exercise and a much improved diet. This was spurred by an out-of-range blood sugar level, which was later confirmed as type two diabetes. Over the course of about eight or nine months, I lost nearly 20 kgs. I had setbacks due to injuries but even when not exercising as well, I was still eating well. I plateaued over the next months.
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Interview
The Lego Lover was involved in a cognitive, perceptual and motor assessment a few weeks ago as part of a research project at the University of Western Australia. Today I met with the researcher for a follow-up parental interview. Our discussion was quite interesting and required that I answer questions about LL now and during his fifth year along with a few questions on his earlier development. Most of the questions I was able to answer easily but I did find myself second-guessing myself for a few of them. It dredged up some memories of the initial autism assessment that we went through about four years ago.
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GP review
I saw my gp this afternoon to review lab results and to discuss my ongoing cough and reflux issues. The good news is that my labs results are excellent. My glycated hemoglobin was 5.0% which is the best result I’ve had so far and was again reported as being consistent with a non-diabetic individual. Ironically, I have been eating far more sugar and probably a bit more carbs in general. My thyroid was good and my cholesterol had improved over my results from a year ago (before I altered diet and exercise). So, it was all good.