Pat on the back

A few days ago, my bike ride turned into a particularly long one due to circumstances. One of those circumstances was that the final section of road on the nearby highway finished. This meant the bike path was open all the way to the end of the new highway. I will point out that it’s unlikely I’ll be travelling the whole way any time soon but it was kind of neat to know it was open.

The other circumstance related to an incident with a family member where I knew I had to speak up about something and it just made me ill to think about it. I was stressed and anxious when I went out and the other conditions were kind of right so I went off with expectations of turning around at the former end point of the path. I found, however, that despite playing my music while riding, I definitely wasn’t hearing it at all.

On that ride I travelled almost 40 kilometers round trip, which was pretty huge. It was kind of good for me to ride hard and long that day even if it didn’t make as much of a dent in the feelings I was having. On the other hand it was also kind of foolish since I had to make a return journey and I was cutting it close to dark. Not to mention I was expected to be back before a certain time so we could “play” a Zelda video game that evening. Anyway, I got back okay but the following day, I was feeling a bit wiped out, physically and emotionally.

Now after missing a day or two of exercise, there’s always a chance I will allow myself to fall back into old habits where I skip it altogether for to long. And with the cooler days it’s even easier to slip more often.

So there I was yesterday and I had spent a good part of the afternoon playing Animal Crossing. That issue I spoke about above was still ongoing although I wasn’t feeling quite as terrible as I’d been before. Procrastination on days that are getting shorter is never a good thing and I finally did get myself read to go out for a ride. The day before had actually been quite warm so it’s a shame I didn’t go out then. Yesterday was somewhat cooler and by the time I went out, the winds had picked up.

I had worn two shirts to keep warm and at the last minute decided to bring along a ratty light jacket just in case. Boy am I glad I had it as I had it on within the first five minutes. It was chilly out there. At this point I thought to myself that I would lower my expectations and just make it about halfway to my original destination (which made for about 65 minute ride). The winds were really strong so I wasn’t making much progress.

I got closer to that point but decided I shouldn’t be so slack and should push on and reach my usual turning point. I was moving rather slowly despite my efforts. I was tiring a lot and my new thing of pedaling while standing up were making it worse. Eventually I started to avoid the standing and just lowered gears to make it the ascents easier.

Thankfully my music was helping to drive my efforts. But I was well behind my usual time based on how far into the playlist I was. I did make it to that turning point and stopped for a couple minutes to recover and to rehydrate. Turning back, I found it even worse and I ended up zipping up my jacket this point. The sun was lower and I was getting chilled despite extra layers.

I ended up dropping to the lowest gears and just focusing on moving continuously rather than at any speed. That was pretty much all I could do and the trip back seemed to go on forever. In the midst of all this, my anxiety would return occasionally and I guess it was distract with the agony of the ride or the agony of the anxiety. I figure I must have passed it back and forth mentally most of the way home.

I did get home okay but I definitely didn’t feel any better. But I did pat myself on the back for making it through. Here’s hoping the next ride or exercise will be a bit easier to handle. :)